I never asked for a knight to rescue me from a tower, just a man willing to see past my barriers. I never asked for a curse to be lifted, just show me something beautiful about life. I don't want a man to find my glass slipper, I just want him find a way to love me forever, even if I'm incomplete. I don't want prince charming, I just want him.
Even though months have passed and I'm not crying myself to sleep anymore, I still think of him and remember his smell, his touch.
Some days I miss him more than others. I guess this is just one of those days that I miss him way more than the day before. But lately all the days are blending together and I miss him more and more. Forever isn't long enough to get over giving him up. And even though I'm fortunate and I can see him and hear about him, it doesn't make me miss him any less. Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you've seen them last or the amount of time you spent with them. It's about that very moment when you're doing something, and you wish that they were right there with you.
All of our lives we're told that someone out there is meant to be the love of our life, our best friend, our soul mate, that someday with someone we'd be happy. It's a short word that's easy to spell, difficult to define. I've been told it's impossible to live without. I'm really not looking for it, really not even sure I believe it exists. I just want a different ending to the same old story. Because he makes me smile for the weirdest reasons, because he makes me laugh for no reason whatsoever.
For the past 2 years or so, my fear has been being vulnerable. The chance that someone else, if given the chance, could possibly tear apart your insides was enough to keep me hiding from the world. He, however, makes my smile become permanent, laughter more frequent. He took away my fear and gave me hope, but more importantly, for the first time in a long time, instead of wanting to hide, he gave me every reason to be found. I don't know if it's love, if it's meant to be, if it'll last. I just know I'd rather survive a war with him, than stay safe all alone.
She's growing quickly and blooming into such a lovely little girl. Happy 7th birthday Jenna Leigh! I love you sweet pea!
Analyze me if you will, I'm a kindly-disposed, harsh-sounding, because yes that's also true. It's justI'm just not a very social person. I find it hard to make and keep friends and I will usually go out of my way to avoid contact with most people. This is why I don't make conversation unless I want to. I don't enjoy small talking. It's not because I am a nasty person, it's not because I am rude either.
I will tell you why! It's because it makes me extremely uncomfortable to talk to certain people. I feel as if my space is being invaded every time they open their mouths in my direction. I feel like I can't converse, I have nothing to say and my brain shuts down completely as soon as you utter your first words to me. What do I say now? What if it's the wrong thing? When I find myself in this situation it makes me feel like running far away, I feel as if I need to be as far away from you as possible so that we can just stop talking and I can go back to feeling comfortable again.
For this reason I tend to be short with people, I use one word answers, I don't elaborate and I admit I will even be snappy. All just to get you to leave me alone so that I don't feel uncomfortable. I avoid looking at people I don't feel comfortable around in the eye so that they won't talk to me. I refuse to be alone in a room with someone whom I don't want to talk to.
Also people may think I am just rude, which is understandable, but they really dont know what is happening inside me during a conversation. So next time someone gives you a one word answer, or is short, consider maybe that they have issues that they are dealing with that may make them act that way towards you. There is always more below the surface than there seems.
